Mom refuses to take in her ex-husband's 13-year-old stepdaughter, exes mom blames her when the girl gets put in foster care: 'I didn't believe for a second that the girl asked to live with a stranger'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 18, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Blended families can lead to all kinds of unique and strange situations. Imagine being a divorced mom, and your kid spends half of their time with their dad, who has married a woman who also has children from a previous marriage. Their kids spend a ton of time together and have an established relationship, but you, as their other parent, know nothing about your child's step-siblings. All you know is what your kid tells you, which could be limited depending on the kid.

If you extend the thought experiment further, you probably have never met the ex-husband of your hypothetical exe's wife. Even with minor familial blending, there's so much to keep up with that you can't concern yourself with children who aren't your child or your step-child. That's plenty of responsibility for one person to handle, and overreaching is spreading yourself too thin at best and offensively overstepping boundaries at worst. 

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  • 01
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  • 02

    AITA for not stepping in and taking my son's stepsister into my household?

    I have a son (15) with my ex. My relationship with ex ended when our son was 2 and my ex got married when our son was 5. Ex has a stepdaughter who is now 13 so she was 3 when my ex and her mom got married. On top of the two kids already in the household they had two together making four total between them.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
  • 03
    There has always been mentions of my ex's stepdaughter not being treated very well in the household. Ex's mom has mentioned it to me and so have some of my son's friends who have witnessed incidents while my son was with his dad.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
  • 04
    I didn't see any of when he was first married. But there was a time during the conferences at our son and his stepdaughter's school that I noticed she wasn't spoken to very kindly by her mom or my ex. I had asked my son if he was ever spoken to like that and he said no, they mostly don't say much to him when he's there unless they want him to do
    via u/SimpleLeafton
  • 05
    chores. He had his own complaints about how his dad never spent any time with him and how he wasn't really home very much so he didn't get why he had to be there. But no being spoken to in such a cruel manner. I don't really know the stepdaughter's background or if her dad is around. And I didn't get involved.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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  • 07
    My son was given the choice to spend more time at one parents house than the other. He just can't stop going to either house completely. He chose to spend more of his time with me. After 3- 4 months of him deciding that my ex told me his stepdaughter wanted to come and live with me and would I take her. I said no
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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    and I told him I didn't believe for a second that the girl is asking to live with a stranger. Then my son came home from visiting his dad's house and he told me his stepsister had annoyed him all weekend and that she thought she could live with us.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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    Ex called a couple of days later and asked me if I believed it now and whether I wanted her or not. I said my answer was unchanged and he should be working on making her happier there. He dismissed the idea.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
  • 10
    A week ago I saw my ex's mom and she mentioned that the girl was put in foster care. She said she knew ex had asked me to take the girl and she didn't understand why I wouldn't when she and my son have lived as siblings most of their lives. I told her she was step grandma and she should've taken her if she
    via u/SimpleLeafton
  • 11
    cared so much. Ex's mom and I were always on good terms so her unreasonably blaming me came as a surprise. She told me the difference is the girl wanted to live with me and she'd been told all about that too. I walked away from her because I didn't want to fight or listen to more of her crop.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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    But it did make me wonder if I did the wrong thing. I really don't feel responsible for this girl but it doesn't mean I'm not TA either. I still could be. Especially when I knew the household wasn't good for her. AITA?
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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  • 14
    fiestafan73 NTA, but the fact that one of their children is in foster care should be sufficient grounds for you to petition for full custody of your son. It doesn't sound like they would fight it very hard. Your ex is garbage.
    via u/fiestafan73
  • 15
    SoftFluffX Your ex's behavior is concerning, and with one child in foster care, it might be a good idea to reassess your son's living situation. You definitely deserve to be the primary parent if things are this dysfunctional. NTA
    via u/SoftFluffX
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    wanderer866 Well... they won't fight as long as there are no child support payments on the line. That's what it sounds like keeping shared custody is about for the dad based on these limited facts.
    via u/wanderer866
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    DogTheBotHunter None of this makes sense. If she's in foster care, then that means child protective services were called. If they were called, they would have met with your son at least once If she was removed due to ab e, CPS wouldn't leave all the other kids there
    via u/DogTheBotHunter
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    TaxiLady69 I was removed from my parents when I was 10. Both of my half sisters were not. I was the only one being abused. He never laid a finger on either of them ever.
    via u/TaxiLady69
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    SimpleLeafton OP I assumed, because I don't know, that it could have been voluntary. Ex's mom didn't mention a CPS investigation. Just that the girl is now in foster care.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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    DogTheBotHunter You can't voluntarily give your kid to the State to go in foster care and keep all your other kids
    via u/DogTheBotHunter
  • 21
    Dazzling_Flight_3365 Bulls ! My sister in law was placed in foster care as a teen because her parents declared her an "unruly child".
    via u/Dazzling_Flight_3365
  • 22
    Impossible-Letter341 Yes, you can. My parents made me a ward of the state and put me in foster care at age 13. Younger brother stayed with them.
    via u/Impossible-Letter341
  • 23
    Kindly Delicious NTA You have no legal responsibility for the child. Your Ex's new wife does and her family, or the father's family. After all, it sounds like it's her kid. How much was she going to pay you to raise her kid for her? Poor girl though. Mom gets remarried and now doesn't want her now that she has kids with baby daddy #2.
    via u/Kindly_Delicious
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    SimpleLeafton OP No money was offered. It was meant to be out of the goodness of my heart thing.
    via u/SimpleLeafton
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    merishore25 They are awful. If they wanted you or anyone else to take her they should have gone the legal route and supported this child financially.
    via u/merishore25

  • Nobody even told this mom what was at stake. The ex-husband and his wife didn't say, “If you don't take her, she's going into foster care,” because that would make them look as horrible as they are. She wasn't given the opportunity to make a decision with the full context. 

  • 26
    Amazing-Wave4704 Yeah the girl wanted to live with you because your ex put the idea in her head. He and baby momma are behind all of this.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
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    chez2202 • 19h ago Top 1% Commenter NTA. Your ex asked you to take her, his mother asked you to take her. Her own mother didn't. Someone definitely told her that it was an option if she spent a whole weekend asking your son if she could come to live with you.
    via u/chez2202
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    She is 13 years old. To even entertain the idea of wanting to live with you and your son suggests that your son is probably the only person who has been nice to her for her whole life and she has relied on that since she was 3 years old and has realised that you provide a much better life for your son than she has.
    via u/chez2202
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    You clearly have a big heart because your comments show that you have noticed how badly she is treated and you are worried about her. She's now in the foster care system. If you are really worried about whether you have done the right thing then there are things you can do to put your mind at rest.
    via u/chez2202
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    You could ask your ex why she is in foster care. You could ask your son what he knows about it. You could also speak to CPS about it because I'm sure that they have to be transparent with you if your 15 year old child is in their care at times. Any investigation of a parent should be fully explained to the other parent. All of this should help to ease your mind.
    via u/chez2202
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    Then if you think that you WANT to help (because you absolutely don't have to get involved if you don't want to) speak to your son. He might not want your dynamic to change. If you both want to help you could offer to foster her. Fostering officially through the proper channels will cover any expenses you would have for her and she has already expressed an interest
    via u/chez2202
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    in living with you. It could also help you to finally get your ex's access to your son cancelled. Like I said, you have a lot of options. I'm not recommending any of them, I'm just listing some of them. What you do is your choice and your son's.
    via u/chez2202
  • 33
    readytonap88 NTA. You're a complete stranger. That is so gross what they did to that girl and then putting her in foster care because they don't care about her. Then they blame you for it? That's just terrible.
    via u/readytonap88

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family drama foster care blended family siblings stepbrother wife stepdaughter dad family stepdad stepsister daughter ex husband mom Father
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